Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had heppened in the past.
Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher : Why?
Student : There is no future in it.
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will oonly get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I ams scolding you now.
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8.
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 and on Wednesday, she said 6+2+8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
A mother and son were doing dishes whle the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
Man : How is your father?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon : No, teacher. It's the same dog!
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
Teacher : Where were u born?
Student : Singapore, Sir.
Teacher : Which part?
Student : All of me, Sir.
A Teacher was asking her class : What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''Unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
Teacher : How come you do not comb your hair?
Ak Kow : No comb, Sir.
Teacher : Use your dad's then.
Ah Kow : No hair, Sir.
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
Father : What did u get?
Son : My marks are under water
Father : What do you mean 'under water'?
Son : They are all below 'C' (sea) level
甚麼跟甚麼啦? 到底是冲到羊還是冲到牛啊? 紙張上是寫著 "牛", 但是他卻告訴我們 "羊" , 再跟他確定後, 他看了看他剛才寫的紙張, 才說是 "牛" 啦! 之前去看 "過大禮" 的日子的時候, 剛好我坐在他旁邊看他寫, 發現他寫錯了一個日子, 才跟他再確認. Uncle, 你嘛拜託一下, 這可是人家的終身大事也, 你以為是玩泥沙哦? 虧他還說他們家已經做這一行八十多年了, 難道不知道你的一個不小心, 搞不還會把 "歹日" 說成 "吉日" , 那可不是鬧著玩的也! 你這樣叫人家怎麼相信你阿??? 